Author: Anonymous Page 61

That was the last hump on the camel.

Mixed metaphors

There is nothing so unbecoming on the beach as a wet kilt.

Appearance Clothing

Upper Crust: People stuck together by their dough.

Definitions Money People

Election: When the air is full of speeches and vice versa

Communication Definitions Elections/Voting Government Speech

Vegetarian: Indian word for bad hunter.

Definitions

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Death Definitions

“It’s my personal magnetism,” said Tom ironically.

Tom Swifties

Parole: A period at the end of a sentence.

Definitions

Performance is directly affected by the perversity of inanimate objects.

Murphy’s Laws Success Things

He is so poor… he can't even pay attention.

Exaggerations Money Poverty

Misers make wonderful ancestors.

Frugal Money

I have a lot of black sheep in my closet.

Mixed metaphors

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

Things

Politicians are like diapers; they both need changing regularly and for the same reason.

Government Politicians

He couldn’t find his ass with a flashlight and a roadmap.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

“Doctor, why do you have to remove my womb?” asked Mary hysterically.

Tom Swifties

“I had an accident in the kitchen,” said Tom with panache.

Tom Swifties

“Ouch! When I get stung, I want revenge,” said Tom begrudgingly.

Tom Swifties

She looks better goin than comin!

Appearance Body Expressions Ugly

Theory: A hunch with a college education.

Definitions

My husband could have had any women he pleased – he just couldn't please any!

Husbands Marriage Women