Author: Anonymous Page 70

Beware of the half truth… you may have gotten hold of the wrong half.

Beliefs Honesty Truth

Black Eye: A stamp of disapproval.

Definitions

If we are not supposed to eat animals, then why are they made of meat?

Animals Food/Drink

Banging on their chests with a primeval scream.

Malaprops

Brain: The apparatus with which we think we think.

Body Definitions

He is so short… he poses for trophies.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

Artificial Insemination: Impregnation without representation and procreation without recreation.

Definitions

He's as crooked as a barrel of snakes.

Expressions

Flatterer: One who says things to your face that he wouldn’t say behind your back.

Definitions

“Your fly is undone,” was Tom’s zippy rejoinder.

Tom Swifties

It was a very heart-rendering story.

Emotions Malaprops

Footnote: Useless information placed where you can skip it.

Definitions

Intelligent conversationalist: One who nods his head in agreement while you’re talking.

Communication Conversation Definitions Intelligence Speech

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Divorce Marriage

Spilt Milk: Udder waste.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

Fish: An animal that grows fastest between the time it is caught and the time a fisherman describes it to his friends.

Activities Animals Definitions

Tax Reform: Taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven’t been taxed before.

Definitions Government Taxes

Intuition: The strange instinct that tells a woman she is right whether she is or not.

Definitions Women

John Hurt looks like Joan of Arc, after she's burnt at stake.

Appearance Insults

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No Hard Feelings.”

Definitions Sex

Nothing is so fallacious as facts, except figures.

Beliefs Facts