Author: Anonymous Page 80

“I have three houses, and I’m going to buy another,” said Tom forebodingly.

Tom Swifties

Oaf: An old fashioned jerk.

Definitions People

“This oar is broken,” said Tom robustly.

Tom Swifties

Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.

Beliefs Definitions God

Wind: Weather on the go.

Definitions Science/Weather

Vacation: A period during which people find out where to stay away from next year.

Definitions

Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.

Definitions Things

Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.

Success Work

He is so ugly… when he throws a boomerang it won’t come back.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Congress: A place where there are too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen – and not enough U.S. Congressmen.

Congress Definitions Government

His head is so big… he has to step into his shirts.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

“Angel dust? Me? Never touch it!” Tom snorted.

Tom Swifties

Democracy is mob rule, but with income taxes.

Democracy Government Taxes

“I wish I could remember the name of that card game,” said Tom wistfully.

Tom Swifties

Between the ages of twelve and seventeen, a child may see his parents age twenty years.

Age

Dignity: Something that can’t be preserved in alcohol.

Definitions

I have taken many of God's blessings for granite.

Malaprops

They'll have to retaliate the vote.

Malaprops

Wife: A former sweetheart.

Definitions Marriage

Hotter than a depot stove

Expressions Science/Weather

What happened to the first 6 “ups?”

Communication Food/Drink Language