Author: Anonymous Page 91

Her business seems to be doing well; it must be very ludicrous.

Malaprops Money

She's so skinny, she has to run around in the shower to get wet.

Appearance Body Expressions

“I can’t do it!” Tom said notably.

Tom Swifties

Dilemma: A politician trying to save both his faces at once.

Definitions Politicians Problems

She could eat an apple through a picket fence.

Appearance Expressions

Censorship: The power of the suppress.

Communication Wordplay

Alarm Clock: Something that makes people rise and whine.

Definitions Wordplay

Neighbors: The only people who listen to both sides of an argument.

Definitions People

“Sorry about that butt call,” he said cheekily.

Tom Swifties

“Use your own hair brush,” Tom bristled.

Tom Swifties

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

Beliefs Money People

A sandwich is an attempt to make both ends meat.

Food/Drink

Looting: A public shopping spree generously sponsored by local merchants in the wake of a riot.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Crime Definitions

Deterrence: The art of producing, in the mind of the enemy, the fear to attack.

Definitions

“I chop down trees for a living,” said Tom lumberingly.

Tom Swifties

“Is it true that some animals will eat their own babies?” asked Tom literately.

Tom Swifties

If you try to eat this elephant all in one bite, you’re going to have a hell of an indigestion.

Mixed metaphors

Diet Drink/Soda: A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half-pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Definitions Food/Drink

Couldn't scratch his ass if he had a tiger in both hands.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny; if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Food/Drink Men People Sex

“There’s nothing wrong with demons,” Tom said implicitly.

Tom Swifties