Author: Mark Twain Page 8

Education: The path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education Intelligence

Prosperity is the best protector of principle.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Money

The first act occupied three hours… I enjoyed that in spite of the singing.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Reviews/Criticism

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs

Giving up smoking is easy… I've done it hundreds of times.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Characteristics

Heaven goes by favor; for if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Beliefs Characteristics Dogs

I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
People Self Success

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Conflict Eating Fights Food/Drink Life Success

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Money

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Future Time

I thoroughly disapprove of duels; if a man would challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Conflict

There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Situations

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

It’s easier to fool people than to convince them they’ve been fooled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Honesty

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance Body Fat Insults

Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Communication Honesty Truth

Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Honesty Truth

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Education Fools God Insults Intelligence

In India, ‘cold weather’ is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door knob and weather which only makes it mushy.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Heat Science/Weather

The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Cold Places Science/Weather

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Government Occupations Taxes