Author: Robin Williams

Death – to blink for an exceptionally long period of time.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Death Definitions

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Autos Things

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Relationships

Ever notice that George Bush doesn't speak when Dick Cheney is drinking water?

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Communication People

What's right is what's left when everything is wrong.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Beliefs Language Opinion

I think Nancy does most of his talking; you'll notice that she never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Communication Insults Speech

Cocaine is God's way of saying that you're making too much money.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
God Money

I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Communication Language Sports

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Appearance Insults

Do you realize we’re only a heart attack away from Bush being president?

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Death Government President

It’s great that we’ve got a compassionate conservative, but to me, that sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Beliefs Government People

Cricket is baseball on valium.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Baseball Sports

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Appearance Conflict Fights Individuals People Ugly

Death is nature's way of saying, "Your table's ready."

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Death Things

Running for senator in New York is like bobbing for piranhas.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Elections/Voting Government New York City Places

If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Government People Women

We had gay burglars the other night; they broke in and rearranged the furniture.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Situations

People say satire is dead; it's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Communication Government Insults

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
God Men People Things

Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage Money

His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Golf Insults Intelligence