Author W.C. Fields | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: W.C. Fields Page 5

I never drink water; that’s the stuff that rusts pipes.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the D.T.'s begin.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Health Hollywood Places Delirium tremens

Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Hollywood Places

You kids are disgusting! Standing around here all day, reeking of popcorn and lollipops.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children TV/Movie Quotes As Larsen E. Whipsnade in “You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man”

California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

America Places California Freeze State

I change girlfriends every seven years, a habit I picked up from broken mirrors.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Dating Girlfriends People Relationships

Sucker: Is this a game of chance?
Fields: Not the way I play it, no.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Activities Characteristics Games Chance Fairness

Go away kid, you bother me.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children People

Peggy: Won’t you join me in a glass of wine?
Professor Quail: You get in first, and if there’s room enough I’ll join you.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Professor Quail in “International House”

Never give a sucker an even break.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As The Great Man in “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break”

Never trust a ventriloquist or a barber.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Occupations TV/Movie Quotes As Larsen E. Whipsnade in “You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man”

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Acting Communication Entertainment Film Speech

I never met a kid I liked.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children Family Relationships

No doubt exists that all women are crazy, it’s only a question of degree.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Intelligence People Women Crazy

A plumber's idea of Cleopatra.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

People Mae West

A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Communication Reading/Writing Comedians

Fields reloading!

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink (Fields' retort from his dressing room after a director had shouted "Camera reloading!")

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Animals Men People Situations Time Bull Tail

Sex isn't necessary; you don't die without it – but you can die having it.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Sex

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Things Cheating Owning

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Health Time Hospital Nurse

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Author: W.C. Fields Page 5

I never drink water; that’s the stuff that rusts pipes.

It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the D.T.'s begin.

Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.

You kids are disgusting! Standing around here all day, reeking of popcorn and lollipops.

California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.

I change girlfriends every seven years, a habit I picked up from broken mirrors.

Sucker: Is this a game of chance?
Fields: Not the way I play it, no.

Go away kid, you bother me.

Peggy: Won’t you join me in a glass of wine?
Professor Quail: You get in first, and if there’s room enough I’ll join you.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Never trust a ventriloquist or a barber.

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.

I never met a kid I liked.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy, it’s only a question of degree.

A plumber's idea of Cleopatra.

A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.

Fields reloading!

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

Sex isn't necessary; you don't die without it – but you can die having it.

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse.