Author W.C. Fields | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: W.C. Fields Page 7

If a thing is worth having, it’s worth cheating for.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children Family

Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Characteristics People Relationships Embarrassment Engagements Fiancee

Cross my heart and hope to eat my weight in goslings.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As The Great Man in “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break”

[Charles Dickens] was the bravest man who ever lived; he fathered ten children before they became tax deductions.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children Family Money Taxes

It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Animals Men People Situations Time Bull Tail

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Activities Death Dead fish Swim

It’s morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Money Gambling

I change girlfriends every seven years, a habit I picked up from broken mirrors.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Dating Girlfriends People Relationships

[to waitress]: I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’ t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As The Great Man in “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break”

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Health Time Hospital Nurse

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Places Time Philadelphia Sunday Year

More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Beliefs Intelligence Religion

She's all done up like a well-kept grave.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Age Appearance Insults Old Of an elderly lady dressed to kill

I am free of all prejudices; I hate everyone equally.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Characteristics People Prejudices

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.
Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Death Food/Drink Whiskey

I never drink water; I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Characteristics Habits Water

I like my films to influence the audience; even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Entertainment Film

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Age Alcohol Beer Food/Drink Young

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

America Places Closed Philadelphia

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Author: W.C. Fields Page 7

If a thing is worth having, it’s worth cheating for.

There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.

Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

Cross my heart and hope to eat my weight in goslings.

[Charles Dickens] was the bravest man who ever lived; he fathered ten children before they became tax deductions.

It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

It’s morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

I change girlfriends every seven years, a habit I picked up from broken mirrors.

[to waitress]: I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’ t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

She's all done up like a well-kept grave.

I am free of all prejudices; I hate everyone equally.

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.
Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

I never drink water; I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

I like my films to influence the audience; even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.