Author W.C. Fields | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: W.C. Fields Page 7

Sleep… the most beautiful experience in life – except drink.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

All Englishmen talk as if they’ve got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

England Insults Places Speech

Lady Godiva put everything she had on a horse.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Augustus Winterbottom in “Tillie and Gus” Betting Lady Godiva

Getting married is like buying a new horse, or going into a strange saloon.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Marriage TV/Movie Quotes As Larsen E. Whipsnade in “You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man”

If I had enough money to pay your back salary, I’d fire you.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Sam Bisbee in “You’re Telling Me!” To his assistant

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Characteristics Time Day Smiling

Marriage is better than leprosy because it’s easier to get rid of.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Marriage Leprosy

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Reality Sobriety

[Sarcastically] I’m about as busy as a pickpocket in a nudist colony.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Sheriff John Hoxley in “Six of a Kind” Busy

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Acting Communication Entertainment Film Speech

Man: I have no sympathy for a man who is intoxicated all the time.
Fields: A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Drunkenness Sympathy

Sex isn't necessary; you don't die without it – but you can die having it.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Sex

I am free of all prejudices; I hate everyone equally.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Characteristics People Prejudices

It’s a funny ol’ world… man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Sam Bisbee in “You’re Telling Me!”

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Sex

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Situations Sleep

More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Beliefs Intelligence Religion

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Appearance Family Relationships Beards

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As The Great Man in “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break” Insomnia

[to waitress]: I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’ t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As The Great Man in “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break”

Someone asked, “Mr. Fields, I read in the paper where you consumed two quarts of liquor a day. What would your father think about that?

Fields’ reply: He'd think I was a sissy.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink

Quotes and One Liners

humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more

Categories

Additional Categories

Oops...

Some Popular Authors

Author: W.C. Fields Page 7

Sleep… the most beautiful experience in life – except drink.

All Englishmen talk as if they’ve got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.

Lady Godiva put everything she had on a horse.

Getting married is like buying a new horse, or going into a strange saloon.

If I had enough money to pay your back salary, I’d fire you.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Marriage is better than leprosy because it’s easier to get rid of.

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

[Sarcastically] I’m about as busy as a pickpocket in a nudist colony.

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.

Man: I have no sympathy for a man who is intoxicated all the time.
Fields: A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.

Sex isn't necessary; you don't die without it – but you can die having it.

I am free of all prejudices; I hate everyone equally.

It’s a funny ol’ world… man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.

More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

[to waitress]: I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’ t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

Someone asked, “Mr. Fields, I read in the paper where you consumed two quarts of liquor a day. What would your father think about that?

Fields’ reply: He'd think I was a sissy.