Keyword: Behavior

Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential.

(1884 – 1949) American humorist & literary critic
Characteristics

Be normal, and the crowd will accept you… be deranged, and they will make you their leader.

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Characteristics People

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will sometimes produce bizarre behavior… and I’m not talking about the kids.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Family Old Parents

Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept. 

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Hockey Sports

I already know I’m going to hell, I’m just paving the road.

Miscellaneous

Success is the result of behavior that completely contradicts the usual expectations about the behavior of a successful person.

Murphy’s Laws Success

It's good to know that if I behave strangely enough, society will take full responsibility for me.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Characteristics Situations

Act like you’ve got some raisin.

Miscellaneous

… if the child was misbehaving, that's one thing, but if her parents were encouraging her, that's a whole new ballpark…

Mixed metaphors

There are some situations from which one can only escape by acting like a devil or a lunatic.

Eric Arthur Blair (1903 – 50) English author & journalist
Situations

1. The probability of a cat eating its dinner has absolutely nothing to do with the price of the food placed before it. 2. The probability that a household pet will raise a fuss is directly proportional to the number and importance of your guests.

Animals Money Murphy’s Laws

There is no substitute for good manners… except, perhaps, fast reflexes.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws

They’re like two cats in a sack.

Miscellaneous

I don’t know that my behavior has improved all that much with age; they just found someone worse.

American professional tennis player
Sports

The wages of sin are unreported.

Government Taxes

Always do right; this will gratify some people, and astonish the rest.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Life Situations

He goes to church on Sunday, steals chickens on Monday.

Beliefs Expressions Honesty

If our politicians were better at pretending to get along, there wouldn’t be any war.

Conflict Government Politicians War

The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Appearance Clothing

Perhaps we could have a translation, I could not quite follow.

(1894 – 1986) British prime minister
Communication Government

He really grates me up the wrong way.

Mixed metaphors