Subject: Beliefs (Page 2)

It [feminism] is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.

(1930 – ) American Southern Baptist minister, executive & media mogul
Beliefs Stupidity Women

Thou shalt not commit adultery; now, you know no guy would have ever dreamed that one up.

American comedian & writer
Beliefs People

A liberal is man who will give away everything he doesn’t own.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Beliefs

WTF, I thought I voted for a Muslim?!

Beliefs Religion

I know I’m God because when I pray to him I find I’m talking to myself.

(1931 – 2004) English playwright & screenwriter
Beliefs God People Self

There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can’t tell the truth without lying.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Honesty Lies

As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness; our bad luck we give the gods credit for.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
God Intelligence Wisdom

The play opened at 8:40 sharp and closed at 10:40 dull.

(1918 – 2001) American sportswriter, commentator & actor
Entertainment Opinion

Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one’s country.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Lies

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Government Honesty Politicians

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Beliefs People Religion

I always advise people never to give advice.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Beliefs Opinion

The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Beliefs Situations

If Attila the Hun were alive today, he’d be a drama critic.

(1928 – ) playwright
Beliefs Opinion

A bunch of money-grubbin', greenhouse-gassing, seal-clubbing, oil-drilling, Bible-thumping, missile-firing, right-to-life-ing, lethal-injecting hypocrites, whose idea of a good time is strapping a dead panda to a Lincoln Navigator and running over everybody in the gay parade.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Government People Politics

I can prove anything with statistics except the truth.

(1770 – 1827) British statesman, politician & prime minister
Beliefs Honesty Truth

You can always tell when a man’s well-informed… his views are pretty much like yours.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Intelligence

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them… well, I have others.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Beliefs

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs

He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Beliefs Entertainment Insults Opinion People

There is one sure way of telling when politicians aren't telling the truth — their lips move.

(1946 – ) English actress
Characteristics Government Honesty Politicians Truth