Subject: Health » Doctors (Page 2)

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Doctors Health

If a patient dies, the doctor killed him, but if he gets well, the saints have saved him.

Doctors Health Proverbs

A man walked into the doctor’s; the doctor said, ‘I haven’t seen you in a long time.' … The man replied, ‘I know, I’ve been ill.'

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician
Doctors Health

My doctor gave me two weeks to live… I hope they're in August.

comedian
Death Doctors Health

I was an ugly kid; when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Doctors Health

I went to medical school here at Columbia; I got my M.D.; and was practicing out in Colorado, where I decided to quit and do stand-up – and not just because of the lawsuits.

(1971 – ) American comedian, actor, television host & former physician
Doctors Education Health Law School

No physician is really good before he has killed one or two patients.

Doctors Health Proverbs

If I were a medical man, I should prescribe a holiday to any patient who considered his work important.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Doctors Health Work

After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why doctors wear masks in the operating room.

Doctors Health

I told my psychiatrist I keep thinking I’m ugly and he told me to lay on the couch… face down!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Doctors Health Ugly

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease.

Doctors Health Proverbs

Doctor, feel my purse.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Doctors Health

Most Doctors Agree Breathing Regularly is Good for You

Doctors Headlines Health

Orthodox: Bone doctors.

Definitions Doctors

Optometrist: A person you have to see.

Definitions Doctors

If your time ain't come, not even a doctor can kill you.

Death Doctors Health Life Situations

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Doctors Health Problems

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Doctors Health

Internship: A sleepless ordeal imposed on young M.D.’s for the purpose of weeding out the weak and infirm among them, and eroding the health of the survivors sufficiently to ensure better empathy in the years to come.

Definitions Doctors

Pediatrician: Man of little patients.

Definitions Doctors Health Wordplay

Doctors bury their mistakes, but mine are still on scholarship.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Doctors School