Subject: Time

Father’s Day: The annual day in June set aside so merchants can get rid of their leftover Christmas ties and shaving lotion.

What Orwell failed to predict was that we’d buy the cameras ourselves… and that our biggest fear would be that nobody was watching.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

If, in the course of several months, if only three worthwhile social events take place, they will all fall on the same evening.

The secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit

American History Is A Thing of the Past

Brought up in the provinces in the forties and fifties one learned early the valuable lesson that life is generally something that happens elsewhere.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright

As soon as you dispose of a book, even one that has gathered dust for years, a pressing need to refer to it will arise.

On his 916th game as coach at University of Alabama – I've been here so long that when I got here the Dead Sea wasn't even sick.

American basketball coach

1. Important mail arrives late. 2. Junk mail arrives the day it was sent.

You never have the right number of pills left on the last day of a prescription.

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for 40 years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

(1952 – ) comedian

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

My secret to staying young… having no sense of time.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

All modern men are descended from a wormlike creature… but it shows more on some people.

(1884 – 1949) American humorist & literary critic

A day without sunshine is like… well, night.

Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations.

(1893 – 1978) American author

Most people still believe in a hard day’s work, but they also believe it should be spread out over the course of a week or two.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

I saw a bank that said “24 Hour Banking,” but I don’t have that
 much time.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

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