Subject: Activities (Page 11)

Fishing: A delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

Activities Definitions

There are plenty of good five cent cigars in the country… the trouble is they cost a quarter.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist
Activities Money

I also smoke a lot of pot… occasionally… every day.

(1966 – ) American actor, musician & comedian
Activities Drugs

He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Food/Drink Situations Sleep

I was thinking of running a marathon, but I think it might be too difficult getting all the roads closed and providing enough water for everyone.

comedian
Activities Sports

A truly reckless driver is one who passes you when you are already exceeding the speed limit.

Activities Driving

Futon World – a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Shopping Situations Things Time

It has always been my private conviction that any man who pits his intelligence against a fish and loses has it coming.

(1902 – 1968) novelist
Activities Sports

The word ‘aerobics’ came about when the gym instructors got together and said: if we’re going to charge $10 an hour, we can’t call it “jumping up and down.”

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Exercise

Shopping is probably the most underrated contact sport in the world.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Shopping

When I was on acid, I’d see things like beams of light and I’d hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Autos Drugs Situations

I never smoke grass and drive my car because, for one thing, no matter how many letters I write to the road commissions, they still refuse to start designing highways with second-chance exits.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Autos Driving Things

Sometimes the road is less traveled for a reason.

Activities Proverbs Travel

Exercise freaks… are the ones putting stress on the health care system.

(1951 – ) American conservative radio talk-show host
Activities Exercise People Stupidity

Men – because of a tragic flaw – cannot see dirt until there is enough of it to support agriculture.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Housework Men People

Pushing fifty is exercise enough


Activities Age Exercise Wordplay

If it feels good, it’s ugly. If it looks good, it hurts.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Shopping

I haven’t slept for ten days… because that would be too long.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Sleep Time

I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs… like custom officers.

(1961 – ) English standup comedian, actor & writer
Activities Drugs

He hasn’t an enemy in the world – but all his friends hate him.

(1892 – 1964) singer, dancer, comedian, actor & songwriter
Friends Insults People Shopping

The score never interested me, only the game.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Games