Subject: Activities (Page 11)

If God wanted me to bend over, he’d have put diamonds on the floor.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities God

It’s easier to find a traveling companion than to get rid of one.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Activities People Travel

The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on.

Situations Sleep

When I was in high school, a “drive-by shooting” meant someone had their rear end hanging out a car window!

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Activities Age Young

Jogging is for people who aren’t intelligent enough to watch television.

(1953 – 2016) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter
Activities Exercise

Someone stole my antidepressants; whoever they are, I hope they’re happy.


Activities Drugs

No matter what I do, I cannot lose this 18 pounds… I mean I have tried everything short of diet and exercise.

American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Exercise Fat

If you're too busy to go fishin', you're too busy.

(1908 – 2003) American actor & dancer
Activities TV/Movie Quotes

There is literally no difference between house parties and haunted houses.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Activities

The last time I drank, I drove into a ditch, which doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but I stopped at the ditch, looked left and right, then drove into the ditch.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Autos Driving Situations

My first rule of consumerism is never to buy anything you can’t make your children carry.

American author
Activities Shopping

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.

(1922 – 2018) comedian & actor
Activities Shopping Things Time

People who say that money can't buy happiness just don't know where to shop.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Emotions Happiness Money People Shopping

I concentrate on exercises from the waist down, since that is the laziest part of a woman's body.

(1934 – ) American actress, singer & author
Activities Exercise People Women

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time; the man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Activities Definitions

I yield to no one in my admiration for the office as a social center, but it’s no place actually to get any work done.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Activities Work

They don't mind after they find out they don't have to study for it.

American football coach
Drugs Football Sports

About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them.

American comedian & motivational speaker
Children Dating Family Men People Travel Women

Those who live closest arrive latest.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

I am a marvelous housekeeper; every time I leave a man I keep his house.

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Divorce Housework Marriage

The only cultural advantage L.A. has over New York is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Driving New York City Places