Subject: Age » Old (Page 14)

I'm in a restaurant one time, we go to the men's room – my grandfather was standing by the condom machine going, 'Hey, this gum has got no flavor.'

American comedian & actor

No one becomes forty without incredulity and a sense of outrage.

(1886 – 1962) English writer

I didn’t see it [old age] coming — it hit me from the rear.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old… unfortunately there’s never one around.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer

I don’t plan to grow old gracefully; I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

At my age, patience is not a virtue… it’s a luxury.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

The older you get the stronger the wind gets… and it's always in your face.

(1940 – ) professional golfer

In Los Angeles, by the time you’re 35, you’re older than most of the buildings.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director

When you feel that you would like to go back to your youth, think of algebra.

Have you ever tried to put an oyster in a slot machine?

(1922 – ) actor, film director, producer, writer & comedian

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Nostalgia is heroin for old people.

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter

You still chase women, but only downhill.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

At eighty-eight how do you feel when getting up in the morning? … Amazed!

(1881 – 1973) German economist

I ask myself questions in those stores I don't ask myself anywhere else, like, 'Will I live long enough to use all those paper towels?'

American comedian & musician

When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses… drinks right out of the bottle.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.

(1931 – 2005) American actor

If you want to know what you’ll look like in ten years, look in the mirror after you’ve run a marathon.

American cardiologist & marathoner

I don’t look older, I just look worse.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer

It was traumatic for me — not as traumatic as turning gay.

television executive & comedian