Subject: Age (Page 4)

You Are Old: Sobering Affirmations for Your Rapidly Disappearing Life

I was born when my dad was 50; it’s weird growing up with a dad that much older than you… we’d go to the movies and we’re both getting discounts.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian

I don't need drugs anymore, thank God; I can get the same effect just by standing up real fast.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor

Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

I just need to make it to 34 and I’ve beaten Jesus at living.

(1975 – ) English comedian

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Birthdays are nice to have, but too many of them will kill a person.

The older I grow the more I listen to people who don’t talk much.

I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old… unfortunately there’s never one around.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

American cartoonist, illustrator & writer

When you are younger you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you're older you begin to get credit for virtues you never possessed… it evens itself out.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter

One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger" … every picture of you is of when you were younger.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Adolescence: The age between puberty and adultery.

Nothing makes a smoker happier than to see an old person smoking.

(1961 – 1994) comedian

Middle age is when, whenever you go on holiday, you pack a sweater.

(1922 – ) English comedy writer & television presenter

When you’re older than the manager and the general manger, that’s not a good sign.

American baseball player

Well Kerry, you’re 19 and you’re a lot older than a lot of people younger than yourself.

English football player

Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much… then again, don’t drink too little.

Youth: The first fifty years of your life… the first twenty of anyone else’s.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host