Subject: Age (Page 4)

You Are Old: Sobering Affirmations for Your Rapidly Disappearing Life

Age Book Titles Old

I was born when my dad was 50; it’s weird growing up with a dad that much older than you… we’d go to the movies and we’re both getting discounts.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Age Family Fathers

I don't need drugs anymore, thank God; I can get the same effect just by standing up real fast.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor
Age Drugs Old

Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Age Appearance Body Old

I just need to make it to 34 and I’ve beaten Jesus at living.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Age

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Age Characteristics Old

Birthdays are nice to have, but too many of them will kill a person.

Age

The older I grow the more I listen to people who don’t talk much.

Age Communication Old

I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old… unfortunately there’s never one around.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Age Old

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

American cartoonist, illustrator & writer
Age

When you are younger you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you're older you begin to get credit for virtues you never possessed… it evens itself out.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Age Old Young

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Age Law Old Sex

One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger" … every picture of you is of when you were younger.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Age Young

Adolescence: The age between puberty and adultery.

Age Definitions Sex

Nothing makes a smoker happier than to see an old person smoking.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Activities Age Happiness Health Old

Middle age is when, whenever you go on holiday, you pack a sweater.

(1922 – ) English comedy writer & television presenter
Age

When you’re older than the manager and the general manger, that’s not a good sign.

American baseball player
Age Baseball Sports

Well Kerry, you’re 19 and you’re a lot older than a lot of people younger than yourself.

English football player
Age Colemanballs

Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much… then again, don’t drink too little.

Age Alcohol Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Old

Youth: The first fifty years of your life… the first twenty of anyone else’s.

Age Definitions Young

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Men Old People Sex Women