Subject: Age (Page 8)

You're an old-timer if you can remember when setting the world on fire was a figure of speech.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist

Adolescence: That period when children feel their parents should be told the facts of life.

I watched Ken Burns' Civil War series on PBS… my favorite segment is when Bob Hope entertains the troops at Gettysburg.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor

I don’t look older, I just look worse.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer

The comfort of turning 49 is the realization that you are now too old to die young.

When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults and they enter society, one of the politer names of hell.

(1925 – ) English writer & editor

I’m getting pretty worried; my girlfriend hasn’t gotten her period… and she’s already 14.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian

He is so old… I told him to act his own age, and he died.

Age is a high price to pay for maturity.

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter

True friends stab you in the front.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Nothing makes a smoker happier than to see an old person smoking.

(1961 – 1994) comedian

I knew her before she was a virgin.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

You still chase women, but only downhill.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Barney: I think of you as experienced. In an emergency, you would be the first one that I’d call.
Fish: You should call me first. I need time to put my teeth in.

(1921 – ) American actor

Zeal: A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the National Debt.

(1929 – 1933) 31st U.S. president, humanitarian

If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.

(1931 – 1995) American baseball player

Your best friends are those who speak well of you behind your back.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist

Adult: One who has ceased to grow vertically, but not horizontally.

writer

I'm a little kid; I'm gone 12, 13, 14 hours… I don't remember anybody coming looking for me… no Amber Alert goes off.

American comedian