Subject: Animals (Page 12)

Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs

Bombproof Your Horse

Animals Book Titles

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.

(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist
Animals Cats

Did you know a bird is the only animal that you can throw and you’d be helping it?

Comedian
Animals

If you're a fish, and you want to be a fish stick, you must have very good posture.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Food/Drink

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female.

(1928 – ) English zoologist, ethologist, painter & author
Animals People

Flashier Great Tits Produce Stronger Sperm, Bird Study Shows

Animals Headlines

Rattlesnake: Tattle tail.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

You've never seen a cat have sex… nobody has; the Discovery Channel hasn't caught that.

American comedian & television host
Animals Cats Sex

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Animals Characteristics Life

Dachshund: An animal half a dog high by a dog and a half long.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Animals Definitions Dogs

A few cobras in your home will soon clear it of rats and mice… of course, you will still have the cobras.

(1884 – 1949) American humorist & literary critic
Animals Situations

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

(1939 – ) English actor, comedian, writer & producer
Animals

He was so learned that he could name a horse in nine languages; so ignorant that he bought a cow to ride on.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Animals Intelligence Stupidity Wisdom

How to Preserve Animal and Other Specimens in Clear Plastic

Animals Book Titles

Because he spills his seed on the ground.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Animals

For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Animals

How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You

Book Titles Cats

It was a brave person who first looked at a cow and said, ‘I think I’ll just squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out.’

(1973 – ) English comedian, writer, actor, director & producer
Animals Food/Drink

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

Animals

Dog: The only friend you can buy for money.

Animals Definitions Dogs