Subject: Animals (Page 12)

Everything tastes more or less like chicken.

Animals Eating Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist
Animals Communication Dogs Intelligence Speech Wisdom

I have nothing against dogs; I just hate rugs that go squish-squish.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Animals Dogs

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female.

(1928 – ) English zoologist, ethologist, painter & author
Animals People

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Animals People

If man evolved from monkeys and apes… why do we still have monkeys and apes?

(1965 – ) American comedian
Animals Science/Weather

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Dogs Friends Money People Wives

Zoo: A place of refuge where wild animals are protected from people.

Animals Definitions Places

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Animals Government Law Lawyers People

Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.

(427 BC – 347 BC) Greek author & philosopher
Age Animals Young

The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities Animals

The vet says the dog will not lick the salve because the salve tastes bad to the dog… hello?… he's already licking his ass.

(1960 – ) American comedian
Animals Dogs Health

The scientific name for an animal that doesn’t either run from or fight its enemies is lunch.

(1947 – ) American philosopher of science
Animals Science/Weather

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Animals Food/Drink

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Animals Men People Situations Time

Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, "Is that Rod Stewart in first class?"

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Situations

Once on my birthday my ol’ man gave me a bat; the first day I played with it, it flew away.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Family Fathers

Generally speaking, I think it is fair to say that I am a friend to the creatures of the earth when I am not busy eating them or wearing them.

(1971 – ) American author, actor & humorist
Animals

A bird in the hand is usually dead.

Animals Proverbs

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Animals Cats People Women

All bachelors love dogs, and we would love children just as much if they could be taught to retrieve.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Animals Dogs