Subject: Animals (Page 6)

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs Situations

A three-year-old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Activities Age Animals Children Young

A house without a dog or a cat is the house of a scoundrel.

Animals Cats Dogs Proverbs

All men are equal before fish.

(1929 – 1933) 31st U.S. president, humanitarian
Animals People

It is hard for the ape to believe that he has descended from man.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Animals People Science/Weather

It was all the wolf could do to keep us away from his door.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Animals Money Poverty

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it.

Animals Definitions Food/Drink

I spilled spot remover on my dog… he’s gone now.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Accidents Animals Dogs Problems

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Animals Language

FREE TO GOOD HOME – Beautiful 6 mo. old male kitten — orange & caramel tabby, playful, friendly very affectionate, ideal for family w/ kids. OR Handsome 32 yr. old husband – personable, funny, good job, but doesn't like cats. Says he goes or cat goes. Call Jennifer 265-…. — come see both and decide which you'd like.

Animals Cats Classifieds Husbands Marriage

Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Cats

Horses just naturally have Mohawk haircuts.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg?… Four; calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Beliefs Dogs Honesty Truth

I played a great horse yesterday; it took seven horses to beat him.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Animals

If you give a person a fish, they’ll fish for a day; but if you train a person to fish, they’ll fish for a lifetime.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Animals Misspokements

Outwitting Squirrels

Animals Book Titles

You know you’re a redneck if you’ve ever had hot flashes at a cattle auction.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals People Rednecks

Chicken: An egg factory.

Animals Definitions

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Animals Children Dogs Family

How are you supposed to be able to tell when cat food has gone bad?

(1964 – ) American
Animals Cats