Subject: Animals (Page 6)

Nothing seems to please a fly so much as to be taken for a currant; and if it can be baked in a cake and palmed off on the unwary, it dies happy.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Situations

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Animals Situations

Yellow Perch Decline to be Studied

Animals Headlines

My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs Marriage Wives

Flashier Great Tits Produce Stronger Sperm, Bird Study Shows

Animals Headlines

A fly was very close to being called a “land,” cause that's what they do half the time.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Communication Language

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you.

(1962 – ) American English professor & writer under pen name Eloisa James
Animals Cats Dogs

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs Emotions Love

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Things

Cats have nine lives… which makes them ideal for experimentation.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Animals Cats

The scientific name for an animal that doesn’t either run from or fight its enemies is lunch.

(1947 – ) American philosopher of science
Animals Science/Weather

I’m afraid of sharks – but only in a water situation.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals Fear

No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Animals Cats Conflict Fights

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog; few people are interested and the frog dies as a result.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Animals Emotions

I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Activities Animals Food/Drink

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Animals Communication Conversation Speech

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg?… Four; calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Beliefs Dogs Honesty Truth

I've seen insects walking around with kneepads.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Animals Exaggerations Places

You're supposed to eat the cows; they're great big lumbering stupid things – they’d be everywhere if we didn’t eat them.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Animals Eating Food/Drink Life

Horses just naturally have Mohawk haircuts.


Animals Appearance