Subject: Animals (Page 9)

Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Animals Democracy Elections/Voting Government

FOUND – Gay dog – was crossing Dundas St. on Saturday, July 14th… won’t stop humping my dog! Please come get ‘em. Call 778-….

Animals Dogs Signs

A full-grown manatee, which can weigh more than 1,000 pounds, looks like the result of a genetic experiment involving a walrus and the Goodyear Blimp.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Animals Things

Dogs are like penises… I enjoy my own, but I don't want to be touched by anyone else's.

American comedian
Animals Dogs

Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet; they should be the luckiest animals in the world.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Animals

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Animals Dogs

Happiness is a warm puppy with an empty bladder.

Animals Dogs Murphy’s Laws

My Big Book of Pretty Pussies

Animals Book Titles Cats

Any man who hates dogs and babies can’t be all bad.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Animals Dogs Emotions People

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs Situations

When walking a dog, be sure then animal is smaller than you.

Animals Dogs Murphy’s Laws

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Animals Dogs

I killed a squirrel once with a car… twice with a tennis racket.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Animals

An ordinary kitten will ask more questions than any five-year-old boy.

(1880 – 1964) American writer & photographer
Animals Cats

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female.

(1928 – ) English zoologist, ethologist, painter & author
Animals People

It was a brave person who first looked at a cow and said, ‘I think I’ll just squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out.’

(1973 – ) English comedian, writer, actor, director & producer
Animals Food/Drink

Chicken: An egg factory.

Animals Definitions

Games You Can Play With Your Pussy

Book Titles Cats

Animals may be our friends; but they won’t pick you up at the airport.

(1962 – ) comedian, actor, voice actor, screenwriter, & film & television director
Animals Friends People

I finally know what distinguishes man from the other beasts: financial worries.

(1864 – 1910) French author
Animals Money People

There are lots of reasons to love a horse, sometime it's no more than the sweet little way he stepped on some asshole's foot.

Animals