Subject: Appearance (Page 20)

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Appearance Clothing Marriage

High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist
Appearance Body Clothing Women

I'm so physically deficient that the act of sleep injures me.

(1978 – ) American comic writer
Appearance Body

In her last days, she resembled a spoiled pear.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Appearance Insults

Boy George is all England needs – another queen who can't dress.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Clothing England Insults Places

‘Mature’ means old, ‘athletic’ means flat chested and ‘not model thin’ means circus fat.

(1961 – ) American actress
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes

She gave me a smile I could feel in my hip pocket.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Appearance Body

The problem with women in an orchestra is that if they’re attractive it will upset my players and if they’re not it will upset me.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Appearance Entertainment Music People Women

I burned 60 calories… that should take care of the peanut I ate in 1962.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Body Exercise Fat

I know the name, but I can’t replace the face.

professional baseball player
Appearance Misspokements

Working with Sophia Loren was like being bombed with watermelons.

(1913 – 1964) American film actor
Appearance Body

Seamstress: 250 pounds in a size 6.

Appearance Definitions Fat

I’ve got a shirt for every day of the week… it’s blue.

American humorist & public speaker
Appearance Clothing

Bra: Decoration draped by your wife over the shower curtain rod in the bathroom.

Clothing Definitions

One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance People Self Situations

He is so fat… people jump over him rather than go around.

Appearance Exaggerations Fat

I had a woman come up to me at the airport and say, “I don’t mean to insult you, but you look like Bobcat Goldthwait.”

(1962 – ) comedian, actor, voice actor, screenwriter, & film & television director
Appearance People Self

She resembles the Venus de Milo: she is very old, has no teeth, and has white spots on her yellow skin.

(1797 – 1856) German critic & poet
Appearance Insults

No one is as ugly as their passport photo.

Appearance Murphy’s Laws Ugly

He's so fat his bathtub has stretch marks.

(1941 – ) American basketball executive
Appearance Body Fat Insults

Short girls who take all the tall guys.

American professional tennis player
Appearance Body Sports