Subject: Appearance (Page 24)

He's the only man able to walk under a bed without hitting his head.

(1897 – 1972) broadcast journalist & gossip columnist
Appearance Insults

I love that black dress; that neckline is plunging faster than Aretha Franklin’s head into a bucket of fried chicken.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Fat Insults

Looks like he’s been sortin’ wildcats.

Appearance Expressions

She is so ugly… when she walks into a haunted house, she came out with a paycheck.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body Self Ugly

An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.

Appearance Murphy’s Laws Success

Whoa. Where you going in those pants? 1982?

(1964 – ) American actress, producer & director
Appearance Clothing TV/Movie Quotes

This guy's tough. He had a face that looked like it'd hold two days of rain.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager
Appearance Baseball Sports

It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance Body Ugly

(He’s) is wearing his hair differently this year, short and with curls like Randy Jones wears… I think you call it a Frisbee.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Appearance Hair Misspokements

If your body is 90 per cent water why have you got to drink water all the time? Why can’t you just have some crisps?

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body

She is so ugly… when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Azinger is wearing an all back outfit: black jumper, blue trousers, white shoes and a pink tea-cosy hat.

British sports announcer
Appearance Clothing Misspokements

The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to dress up for it.

(1924 – 1984) American author
Appearance Clothing Sex

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Clothing Science/Weather

It's easy to distract fat people; it's a piece of cake.

(1972 – ) English standup comedian, writer & actor
Appearance Body Fat Food/Drink

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive; it makes it so you could care less that they’re ugly.

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Appearance Food/Drink

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, talks like a duck… it probably needs a little more time in the microwave.


Appearance

How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Appearance Body Eating Food/Drink People

I never go out unless I look like Joan Crawford the movie star; if you want to see the girl next door, go next door.

(1905 – 1977) American actress
Appearance People Self