Subject: Appearance (Page 26)

His features resembled a fossilized wash rag.

(1925 – 2008) British journalist
Appearance Insults

But he was the worst dresser in organized baseball; he made Inspector Clouseau look like a candidate for Mr. Blackwell's list of best-dressed men.

American baseball pitcher
Appearance Basketball Clothing Sports

The problem with women in an orchestra is that if they’re attractive it will upset my players and if they’re not it will upset me.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Appearance Entertainment Music People Women

I don’t look older, I just look worse.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Age Appearance Body Old

It is totally impossible to be well dressed in cheap shoes.

(1909 – 2003) English fashion designer
Appearance Clothing

Blonds must have more fun; how many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots?

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Appearance

Looks like he’s been sortin’ wildcats.

Appearance Expressions

Time may be a great healer, but’s it’s a lousy beautician.

Appearance Health Time

I can’t wear yellow anymore; it’s too matchy-matchy with my catheter.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Self

The cost of the hairdo is directly related to the strength of the wind.

Appearance Hair Murphy’s Laws

I base most of my fashion sense on whether or not it itches.

(1946 – 1989) comedian & actress
Appearance Clothing

Is she fat? … Her favorite food is seconds.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Eating Fat Food/Drink Insults

He's so fat his bathtub has stretch marks.

(1941 – ) American basketball executive
Appearance Body Fat Insults

Reducing: Wishful shrinking.

Appearance Body Definitions Wordplay

It's high time the press finally got one thing right about me.

(1954 – ) American professional tennis player
Appearance Body Communication

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Appearance Insults Marriage

Girdle: The difference between fact and figure.

Appearance Body Clothing Definitions

Tact is the art of telling someone to lose thirty pounds without ever using the word “fat.”

Characteristics Fat Murphy’s Laws

Stomach: A bowl-shaped cavity containing the organs of indigestion.

Body Definitions

I never go out unless I look like Joan Crawford the movie star; if you want to see the girl next door, go next door.

(1905 – 1977) American actress
Appearance People Self

He is so fat… he had his own area code.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat