Subject: Appearance (Page 26)

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance Body Fat Insults

Have you ever taken something out of the clothes hamper because it had become, relatively, the cleanest thing?

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Appearance Clothing Housework

"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf; the other is "Wear it if it clashes."

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Appearance Clothing Golf Sports

Her body has gone to her head.

(1907 – 1990) American actress
Appearance Body Insults

I was not a particularly small child; I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school nativity.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Appearance Body

A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Age Appearance Old People Women

Clothes and manners do not make the man; but, when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance.

(1813 – 1887) American clergyman, social reformer & abolitionist
Appearance Clothing

I don’t want to lose weight; my tongue and my taste buds are the only friends I got.

American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Fat Friends People Young

When people tell you how young you look, they are also telling you how old you are

(1904 – 1986) English-American actor
Age Appearance Old

I'm not saying the wife's ugly, but last Christmas she stood under the mistletoe waiting for someone to kiss and she was still there at lent.

(1931 – 1993) English comedian
Appearance Insults

Actress Mary Anderson: Mr. Hitchcock, what do you think is my best side?
Hitchcock: My dear, you're sitting on it.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Appearance Insults

I was getting dressed and a peeping Tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Appearance Body Old

Nothing looks as good close up as it does from far away.

Appearance Murphy’s Laws

Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Sex Ugly

Ugly as home made sin on a Sunday.

Appearance Ugly

Obesity is really widespread.

Appearance Fat Wordplay

Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.

(1929 – 1994) U.S. first lady, wife of John Fitzgerald Kennedy & book editor
Appearance Clothing Sex

She looks like something that would eat its young.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Appearance Insults

Looking fifty is great – if you’re sixty.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Appearance

He is so ugly… his doctor is a vet.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor
Appearance Golf Sports