Subject: Appearance (Page 36)

I didn't discover curves; I only uncovered them.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Appearance Body

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf.

(1866 – 1946) English author
Appearance Body Golf Sports

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Communication Death Hair Time

She is so fat… she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Falsies: A helpful aid to any girl in acquiring a disappointed husband.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Clothes make the man; naked people have little or no influence on society.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance Clothing

Anatomy: A class that sounds vaguely risqué until you find out what it really involves.

Body Definitions Education School

He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Appearance Insults

The robe is a lazy man's tuxedo.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing

He is so fat… people jump over him rather than go around.

Appearance Exaggerations Fat

I don't order fries with my club sandwich.

Canadian hockey player
Body Hockey Sports

He looks as though he’s been weaned on a pickle.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
Appearance Insults

Makeup: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush which ironically makes Mom look better while making her young daughter look “like a tramp.”

Appearance Definitions

Do you know how short you have to be to have a Napoleon complex in North Korea?

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Body Places

The best accessory a girl can have is her best friend.

(1981 – ) heiress, socialite, media personality & model
Appearance Friends Travel

My body is dropping so fast, my gynecologist wears a hard hat.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Body Doctors Old

The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes; then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Appearance Body Men People Women

Diaphragm: A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

Body Definitions Health

Nothing looks as good close up as it does from far away.

Appearance Murphy’s Laws

Be true to your teeth and they won't be false to you.

(1926 – 2009) comedian, actor, radio – TV personality & host
Appearance Body Characteristics

If brains were all that important in a beauty contest, you could enter wearing a Hefty Bag.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Appearance Body Intelligence