Subject: Beliefs

In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, 'Let there be Light.' And there was still nothing, but you could see it a bit better.

Beliefs God Situations

The Bible says gays aren’t natural; what? … and a talking snake is?!

(1980 – ) English comedian, television and radio presenter & actor
Beliefs People

Archbishop: An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.

Definitions Religion

Barack Obama's approval ratings are so low there is talk of replacing him with Jay Leno.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Opinion People

When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong – or absolutely right.

(1863 – 1923) French playwright
Beliefs Conflict Opinion People

What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on the facts – not the facts themselves.

Facts Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

He will even tell a lie when it is not convenient to.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Beliefs Honesty Lies

Liars get caught by the tale.

Characteristics Honesty Lies Murphy’s Laws

The thing about crazy people; they don’t know they are crazy, that’s what make them crazy.Crazy people

(1977 – ) Australian comedian
Beliefs Intelligence

Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal; he's always had an agent do that.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Characteristics Honesty People Politics

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

(1926 – ) film director, screenwriter, composer, comedian, actor & producer
Activities Beliefs God Travel

Truth hurts… maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing… but it hurts.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
Truth TV/Movie Quotes

I find that a duck’s opinion of me is heavily influenced by whether or not I have bread.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

What you take for lying in an Irishman is only his attempt to put an herbaceous border on stark reality.

(1878 – 1957) Irish poet, author, athlete & politician
Beliefs Honesty Lies People Places

A fanatic is one who sticks to his guns whether they're loaded or not.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Arms Beliefs Opinion Things

Politeness is half good manners and half good lying.

(1880 – ?) American author
Characteristics Lies

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Body God Things

If God wanted us to believe in him, he’d exist.

(1958 – 2006) English radio performer, stand-up comic & writer
Beliefs God

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Clothing Things

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

Characteristics God Life

Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.

(1959 – ) American actor, director, writer, singer & comedian
Beliefs Honesty Lies TV/Movie Quotes