Subject: Beliefs (Page 17)

A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Places

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

Characteristics Communication Lies

I don’t believe in astrology… I’m a Sagittarian, and we’re skeptical.

(1917 – ) English physicist & science fiction author
Beliefs Science/Weather

An exaggeration is a truth that has lost its temper.

(1883 – 1931) Lebanese-American artist, poet & writer
Beliefs Truth

… you're so crooked that if you swallowed a nail you'd shit a corkscrew.

(1898 – 1979) British military commander
Honesty Insults

My wife converted me to religion; I never believed in hell until I married her.

(1892 – 1992) American film & television producer & director
Beliefs Marriage Religion Wives

God don't make no mistakes… that's how He got to be God.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Beliefs God Mistakes

One of my favorite philosophical tenets is that people will agree with you only if they already agree with you.

Beliefs People

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Beliefs God Sex

Droughts are because God didn’t pay his water bill.


God

WTF, I thought I voted for a Muslim?!

Beliefs Religion

The mightiest of weapons is truth…. and everyone knows you're not permitted to bring a weapon into a government building.


Beliefs Honesty Truth

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Body God Things

Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Beliefs Opinion

When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Beliefs Religion

Facts and truth really don’t have much to do with each other.

(1897-1962) American writer
Beliefs Facts Honesty Truth

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.

Characteristics Honesty Lies Science/Weather

A liberal is man who will give away everything he doesn’t own.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Beliefs

The truth is rarely pure and never simple.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics Honesty Truth

Spiritual is the word people use when they mean they want to be covered when they die but they’re not getting up early on a Sunday.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Death Life

He goes to church on Sunday, steals chickens on Monday.

Beliefs Expressions Honesty