Subject: Beliefs (Page 6)

If God wanted women to understand men, football would never have been created.

novelist, screenwriter & businessman
Football God Men Sports Women

Droughts are because God didn’t pay his water bill.


God

The truth is more important than the facts.

(1867 – 1959) architect, interior designer, writer & educator
Beliefs Facts Honesty Truth

Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
America Characteristics Honesty Lies People

A liberal is a conservative who has been arrested.

(1931 – ) American author & journalist
Beliefs Conflict Law People

Grandmama Addams: Fester, You're not cheating!

Uncle Fester: Sorry.

(1914 – 1984) American actor
Honesty TV/Movie Quotes

Practical politics consists in ignoring facts.

(1838 – 1918) journalist, historian, academic & novelist
Beliefs Facts Government Politics

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Beliefs People Understanding

Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the difference.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Characteristics Honesty Insults Lies

I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Characteristics Opinion

The only thing God didn't do to Job was give him a computer.

(1907 – 1989) American writer
Beliefs Computers God Things

The only way a reporter should look at a politician is down.

Government Murphy’s Laws Opinion Politicians

There is no question that there is an unseen world; the problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Places

… you're so crooked that if you swallowed a nail you'd shit a corkscrew.

(1898 – 1979) British military commander
Honesty Insults

When a man tells me he’s going to put all his cards on the table, I always look up his sleeve.

(1893 – 1957) British politician
Beliefs Honesty Situations

The world is moving so fast these days that the man who says it can't be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it.

(1878 – 1969) clergyman
Activities Beliefs Opinion Time

I'm a great lover… I bet.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Beliefs Opinion Sex

Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor
Beliefs

I’m saying I can’t afford to make no donations to no Catholic charities. If you need the money that bad, wire the Pope, he’s got more money than God.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Beliefs Religion TV/Movie Quotes

It is the final proof of God’s omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Beliefs God

My dad was Catholic, my mom was Baptist — which was great 'cause at church we got bread and chicken.

American comedian
Beliefs Religion