Subject: Characteristics (Page 11)

An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Food/Drink

Make money and the whole nation will conspire to call you a gentleman.

Characteristics Money

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

(1918 – 2002) advice columnist
Animals Characteristics Dogs Opinion

A bore is one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Characteristics Communication Conversation People Speech

He had the kind of handshake that ought never to be used except as a tourniquet.

(1922 – ) English comedy writer & television presenter
Characteristics People

Conscience gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet.

Characteristics

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Appearance Characteristics Children Intelligence Religion Wives

Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics Exercise Work

Living in a vacuum sucks.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Characteristics Life

An ethical man is a Christian holding four aces.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics

There never was an impostor so hateful, a blockhead so stupid, a crank so variously and offensively daft… he makes me tired.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Insults Intelligence

Under pressure, people admit to murder, setting fire to the village church or robbing a bank, but never to being bores.

(1883 – 1963) American writer & hostess
Characteristics

There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.

(1909 – 2005) management writer
Characteristics

Sucker: Is this a game of chance?

Fields: Not the way I play it, no.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Activities Characteristics Games

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics Situations

One “Oh shit” can erase a thousand “Attaboys.”

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Characteristics Communication

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you.

Characteristics Military Murphy’s Laws

There's one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him… if he says, “Yes,” you know he is a crook.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Characteristics Honesty People

If at first you don't succeed, lie, lie again.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Characteristics Honesty Lies

There are three secrets to managing. The first secret is have patience. The second is be patient. And the third most important secret is patience.

baseball manager
Baseball Characteristics Sports

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics Honesty