Subject: Communication (Page 20)

The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time doing nothing but reporting on the nothing you are doing.

Communication Murphy’s Laws

She plunged into a sea of platitudes, and with the powerful breast stroke of a channel swimmer made her confident way towards the white cliffs of the obvious.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist
Reading/Writing Reviews/Criticism

He strains his conversation through a cigar.

(1846–1916) American essayist, editor, critic & lecturer
Communication Conversation Insults Speech

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Appearance Body Language

Virginia Woolf’s writing is no more than glamorous knitting; I believe she must have a pattern somewhere.

(1887 – 1964) English biographer, critic, novelist & poet
Insults Reading/Writing

If you talk about yourself, he’ll think you’re boring; if you talk about others, he’ll think you’re a gossip; if you talk about him, he’ll think you’re a brilliant conversationalist.

Communication Dating Intelligence Speech

The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Language Past Time

So this cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

All books over five hundred pages that weren’t written by Dickens or a dead Russian are better left on the shelf.

journalist & author
Books Reviews/Criticism

Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Communication Honesty Truth

Among my most prized possessions are words that I have never spoken.


Communication Speech

What does the word 'meteorologist' mean in English?… it means liar.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Communication Language Science/Weather

Silence is foolish if we are wise, but wise if we are foolish.

(1780 – 1832) English cleric, writer & collector
Communication Speech

I’ve got a funny idea that before the internet people were just writing ‘f**k you’ and attaching it to pigeons.

(1980 – ) English comedian, television and radio presenter & actor
Communication

An argument is two people trying to get in the last word first.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication Conversation Speech

I took a speed reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Books Communication Reading/Writing

I think TV is very educational; every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Education Entertainment Reading/Writing Television

At a dinner party one should eat wisely but not too well, and talk well but not too wisely.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist
Communication Conversation Speech

They told me how Mr Gladstone read Homer for fun, which I thought served him right.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Characteristics Insults Reading/Writing

Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication People Places