Subject: Communication (Page 64)

Loquacity: A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Conversation Definitions Language Speech

My wife says I’m unsophisticated and uncultured, so to prove her wrong, guess where I’m taking her… hint: It starts with “B” and rhymes with “wallet.”

Characteristics Wordplay

There are three kinds of lies; lies, damned lies and statistics.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Characteristics Communication Honesty Lies

When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Communication Murphy’s Laws

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

Communication

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels; I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Books Insults Reviews/Criticism

I bought a dictionary, and the first thing I did was look up dictionary… it said “you’re an asshole.”

(1973 – ) American comedian
Books Communication Language Reading/Writing

I hate to spread rumors, but what else can one do with them?

French model, singer, lyricist, painter, television presenter & actress
Communication

Pessimism: A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

The amount of flak received on any subject is inversely proportional to the subject’s true value.

Communication Murphy’s Laws

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Beliefs Communication God Health Speech

I think it would be really confusing if you’re performing an abortion and somebody runs in and says, “Abort! Abort!”

(1981 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Communication Language Situations

The man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books Communication Reading/Writing

What's the opposite of opposite?

(1980 – ) English comedian, television and radio presenter & actor
Communication Wordplay

Italian Without Words

Book Titles Communication Language

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage Money Speech

If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Money Speech

Everything comes to him who waits… except a loaned book.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics Communication

Too often, people who want to offer sound advice give more sound than advice!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication Intelligence Speech

No one ever committed suicide while reading a good book, but many have tried while trying to write one.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator
Books Communication Reading/Writing

The Book of Life begins with a man and a woman in a garden… it ends with Revelations.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Beliefs Books Communication