Subject: Communication (Page 79)

So windy he could blow up an onion sack.

Communication Exaggerations Expressions Speech

I got a new dog… he’s a paranoid retriever; he brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Dogs Wordplay

I used to have a speech impediment, but we got divorced.

(1926 – 1988) American cartoonist (The Lockhorns)
Communication Divorce Marriage Speech Wives

Congratulation: The civility of envy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

When you are right, be logical; when you are wrong, be-fuddle.

Communication Murphy’s Laws

I stayed in a really old hotel last night; they sent me a wake-up letter.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Situations

Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.

(85–43 BC) Latin writer
Communication Fools Intelligence Speech

Scholarly Debate: Feud for thought.

Communication Definitions

I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex; last night, she called me from a motel.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Marriage Sex Speech Wives

If there are two possible ways to spell a person’s name, you will pick the wrong spelling.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Books Communication Reading/Writing Things

Any child who chatters nonstop at home will adamantly refuse to utter a word when requested to demonstrate for an audience.

Children Communication Family Murphy’s Laws Old Speech

If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
Communication Conversation Speech

I believe in talking behind peoples’ backs; that way, they hear it more than once.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Speech

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers.

(1914 – ) historian
Communication Success

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

(1904 – 1963) American journalist
Communication Reading/Writing

If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Art Communication Entertainment Reading/Writing

I have a fax machine with “fax waiting.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication

I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences.

comedian
Communication Marriage Speech

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Speech

Eating without conversation is only stoking.

writer
Communication Conversation Eating Food/Drink