Subject: Communication (Page 85)

The Romans would never have found time to conquer the world if they had been obliged first to learn Latin.

(1797 – 1856) German critic & poet
Communication Education Language Learning Places

It’s a very good historical book about history.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Books Communication History Misspokements

Theodore Dreiser should ought to write nicer.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Reviews/Criticism Wordplay

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Speech

If a parsley farmer loses a law suit, do they garnish his wages?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay

As a kid I was made to walk the plank… we couldn’t afford a dog.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication Wordplay

Plagiarism: Failure to adorn stolen ideas with footnotes, as opposed to scholarship, which repeatedly acknowledges the theft.

Definitions Ideas Reading/Writing

Anyone who says, 'You had to be there,' should just not have told you the thing in the first place because it's not funny.

(1968 – ) American actor & comedian
Communication Laughter Situations

Most wives are like ventriloquists: they stand there nodding while the dummy does all the talking.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication Marriage Speech Wives

It's not very often you get to see the Lone Ranger and Toronto in the same night.

baseball manager
Baseball Sports Wordplay

If you don't disagree with me, how will I know I'm right?

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Communication

Never say “Oops” always say “Ah, interesting!”

Communication Mistakes Problems Speech

Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slip-cover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.

(1918 – 2007) American humor writer
Communication Food/Drink Reading/Writing

The most beautiful words in the English language are not “I love you,” but … “benign.”

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Health Speech

Having imagination it takes you an hour to write a paragraph that if you were unimaginative would take you only a minute.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist
Communication Intelligence Reading/Writing Time

I don't want to brag, but I do speak Pig Latin; I mean, I'm not fluent, but I'm sure if I ever went there, I could get by.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Communication Language Places Speech

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

(1904 – 1963) American journalist
Communication Reading/Writing

I hope they notice the mistletoe tied to my coattails as I leave town.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Communication

I worship the quicksand he walks in.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Beliefs Insults Language Opinion

Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty, while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics Communication Speech

Antibody: Against everyone.

Definitions Wordplay