Subject: Conflict (Page 10)

Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Conflict Crime

We know how much fans enjoy a good brawl, so we are going to guarantee a fight. If there is not a single five-minute fighting major given to a player, every fan in attendance will receive a free ticket to the following home game.

Conflict Fights Hockey Sports

Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war.

(1932 – ) American businessman & U.S. Secretary of Defense
Conflict Death War

Alcohol killed my first wife… I got home drunk one night and shot her.

(1948 – ) British stand-up comedian
Alcohol Conflict Death Food/Drink Killing

Any ship can be a minesweeper… once.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws War

Desert combat?… I can't even stand the walk back from the beach to the car.

comedian, television host & actor
Conflict War

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Crime

Kleptomaniac: A person who helps himself because he can't help himself.

(1915 – 1994) American actor
Conflict Crime

The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Communication Conflict Reading/Writing

Riot: A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict Definitions

Do not needlessly endanger your lives until I give you the signal.

(1890 – 1969) 34th U.S. president, U.S. Army General
Conflict War

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Activities Conflict Fights Hockey Sports

My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice; for ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Communication Family Fathers Killing Mothers Speech

An infallible method of conciliating a tiger is to allow oneself to be devoured.

(1876 – 1967) German statesman
Conflict

We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.

(1890 – 1969) 34th U.S. president, U.S. Army General
Conflict

You might be a redneck if… you got into a fistfight at your last yard sale.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Conflict Fights People Rednecks

I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago…I shot my broker.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Conflict Killing Money

We kill people who kill people because killing people is wrong.

Conflict Killing

Never go to bed mad… stay up and fight.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Activities Conflict Fights Marriage Sleep

At this point we should just make it the 51st state: Welcome to Iraqachusetts: live free and die.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Conflict Government War