Subject: Death (Page 4)

Don't worry… it's not loaded.

(1946 – 1978), American guitarist & founding member of the band Chicago
Last words

Alcohol killed my first wife… I got home drunk one night and shot her.

(1948 – ) British stand-up comedian
Alcohol Conflict Death Food/Drink Killing

Death takes no bribes.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Death

Before he died my father told me he never really walked to school without any shoes.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Death Fathers School Situations

I am starting to believe you are not intending to count me amongst your friends.

(1879 – 1936) Spanish comic playwright
Last words

If I was on death row and given one last meal I would ask for a fortune cookie; “Come on ‘long prosperous life!’”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Death Food/Drink

A redneck died and left his entire fortune to his beloved wife… she couldn’t touch it until she was fourteen.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Death Marriage People Rednecks

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Books Communication Death Reading/Writing

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Death

Oh God, here I go!

(1909–1959) American boxing champion
Last words

Death and taxes are inevitable.

(1796-1865) Canadian politician, judge & author
Death

I am off in search of the great perhaps.

(c.1494 – 1553) French Renaissance writer, doctor, monk & Greek scholar
Last words

Yes, it's tough, but not as tough as doing comedy.

(1877 – 1959) English theatre & film actor
Last words

You have to treat death like any other part of life.

American auto racer
Auto racing Death Sports

I remember what my grandmother said to me on her deathbed: She said: ‘I wish I’d bought a normal bed.’

British stand-up comedian, writer & actor
Communication Death Last words Wordplay

Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Death Life Men People Time

He can be lethal death.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Death Misspokements

Now, now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Last words

A dying man can do nothing easily.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Last words

How can I die, I'm booked.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Death Entertainment

It sounds like attention-seeking behavior to me.

(1958 – ) Welsh actor, writer & comedian
Death Insults