Subject: Definitions (Page 75)

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Agnostic: A person who says that he knows nothing about God and, when you agree with him, he becomes angry.

Beliefs Definitions God

Worry: Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.

Definitions Emotions

Government Bureau: Where the taxpayer’s shirt is kept.

Definitions Government Taxes

Testosterone: Hormone which causes facial hair, muscularity, a deep voice, speeding tickets, the desire to watch professional wrestling, Arnold Shwarzenegger movies, war, fist fights, and the need to purchase cocktails for women with names like “Boom Boom. ”

Definitions Men

Old Age: When you don’t recognize either the host or the musical guest on Saturday Night Live.

Age Definitions

Cabinet Maker: Counter fitter.

Definitions Occupations

Class Reunion: Where everyone gets together to see who is falling apart

Definitions

Armor: A knight gown.

Clothing Definitions

Death: A breath-taking experience.

Death Definitions

Brain: The apparatus with which we think we think.

Body Definitions

Bridge: A game in which a wife is always eager to do her husband’s bidding.

Activities Definitions Games

Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Death Definitions

Multitasking: Messing up several chores at the same time.

Activities Definitions

Skeleton: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

Body Definitions

Accountant: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Definitions Occupations

Alimony: Bounty after the mutiny.

typographer
Definitions Marriage

Fashion: A make-work program to get women to buy new clothes for no real reason before the old clothes wear out.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Nice Girl: One who whispers sweet nothing-doings in your ear.

Definitions

Race Track: Where thousands of people can get taken for a ride on the same horse.

Definitions

Collection: A church function in which many take but a passing interest.

Definitions

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

Definitions Wordplay