Subject: Education » School

Every child has a right to go to high school and end up with a third grade education.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Children Education Learning School

If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.

Education Murphy’s Laws Places School

Bachelor's degrees make pretty good placemats if you get 'em laminated.

(1980 – ) cartoonist
Education School Things

College was like a four-year game show called “Do My Friends Hate Me or Do I Just Need to Go to Sleep?”

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Education School

When I was recruited at Auburn, they took me to a strip joint; when I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Education School Sports

Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something.

professional basketball player
Education Misspokements School

University: A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand.

Definitions Education School

You might be a redneck if… your dad walks you to school because you’re in the same grade.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education Family Fathers People Rednecks School

He reminds me of the kid in fifth grade who reminded the teacher she forgot to give the homework.

writer & comedian
People School

My recipe for bad grades: don't study.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor
Education School

I went to medical school here at Columbia; I got my M.D.; and was practicing out in Colorado, where I decided to quit and do stand-up – and not just because of the lawsuits.

(1971 – ) American comedian, actor, television host & former physician
Doctors Education Health Law School

Interviewer: Auburn is a pretty good school; to graduate from there I suppose you really need to work hard and put forth maximum effort.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Education School Sports

In school, every period ends with a bell… every sentence ends with a period… every crime ends with a sentence.


Education School

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Activities Girls People School Sex

If written directions alone would suffice, libraries wouldn't need to have the rest of the universities attached.

(1938 – ) journalist, columnist (Miss Manners)
Education School

How can you tell if a Korean broke into your house?… your dog is missing, and your homework is done.

(1962 – ) American television host, actress & comedian
Animals Dogs People School

She was old too, when she went to school they didn’t have history.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Education History Old School Time

The philosophy exam was a piece of cake… which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.

Education School

Absolute Zero: The lowest grade attainable on a test.

Definitions Education School

1. The more general the title of a course, the less you will learn from it. 2. The more specific a title is, the less you will be able to apply it.

Education Murphy’s Laws School

A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.

American football coach
Activities Education Football Misspokements School Sports