Subject: Food/Drink

I find that a duck’s opinion of me is heavily influenced by whether or not I have bread.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

The last mosquito that bit me had to book in to the Betty Ford clinic.

(1946 – ) English actress, model & author
Alcohol Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

A man shouldn’t fool with booze until he’s fifty; then he’s a damn fool if he doesn’t.

(1897-1962) American writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

My favorite animal is steak.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Animals Food/Drink

Oh graytin potatoes

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Food/Drink Malaprops

My DNA is cheeseburgers.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Eating Food/Drink Sports

Health food may be good for the conscience but Oreos taste a hell of a lot better.

(1937 – ) American actor, director, producer, environmentalist & philanthropist
Food/Drink

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.

(1879 – 1964) British politician
Alcohol Emotions Food/Drink Happiness

In Seattle you haven’t had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it’s running.

(1964 – ) American founder, president, CEO & chairman of Amazon
Food/Drink Places

No matter how many beautifully crafted, near-to-perfection baked goods you crank out on a regular basis, the moment one such item becomes required in some official capacity, it will flop.

Cooking Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

A hotel mini-bar allows you to see into the future and what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020.

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician
Food/Drink Future Money Time

Turkey can never beat cow.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter
Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what would happen if you strapped toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Cats Food/Drink Things

Always drink upstream from the herd.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Alcohol Food/Drink

I gave that man the drunkest years of my life.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

Never program and drink beer at the same time.

Alcohol Beer Computers Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Things

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Death Food/Drink Time

An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes him.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Work

Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Eating Food/Drink Places

A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

Today I was arrested for scalping low numbers at the deli; I sold a #3 for 28 bucks.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink