Alcohol | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol (Page 5)

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Conflict Food/Drink Killing

I drink therefore I am.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Wordplay

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.
Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Death Food/Drink Whiskey

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

George Gobel

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Alcohol Food/Drink

My manager said, “Don’t use liquor as a crutch!” I can’t use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk.

Mitch Hedberg

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Alcohol Food/Drink

I told my doctor, “I’ve swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills” and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

Rodney Dangerfield

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Alcohol Doctors Health Rest Sleeping pills

We have a drinking game in Australia, it’s called drinking.

Jim Jefferies

(1977 – ) Australian comedian

Alcohol Food/Drink Places Chinese restauant near Brisbane Australia

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.

Robert Heinlein

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author

Alcohol Food/Drink Government Taxes Tax collectors

I’m going to take the high road, and just because I’m high.

Megan Mullally

(1958 – ) American actress & singer

Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes As Karen Walker on “Will & Grace”

Thou shalt not covet they neighbors’s house… unless they have a well-stocked bar.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Characteristics Food/Drink

The quality of a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the cork makes when it is popped.

Mencken and Nathan's Ninth Law of The Average American

Alcohol Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Champagne

You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Dean Martin

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian

Alcohol Drunk Floor

Golfing excellence goes hand in hand with alcohol, as many an Open and Amateur champion has shown.

Henry Longhurst

British golf writer & commentator

Alcohol Food/Drink Golf Sports

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge; others just gargle.

Anonymous

Alcohol Intelligence People Gargling

An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.

Barach's Rule

Alcohol Doctors Food/Drink Health Alcoholics

You might be a redneck if… you've ever been too drunk to fish.

Jeff Foxworthy

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Alcohol People Rednecks Drunk Fishing

Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Alcohol Emotions Food/Drink Academy Awards Suffering

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk; that will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Ernest Hemingway

(1899 – 1961) author & journalist

Alcohol Communication Food/Drink Speech

It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the D.T.'s begin.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Health Hollywood Places Delirium tremens

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Blood

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Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol (Page 5)

Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much… then again, don’t drink too little.

Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.

I drink therefore I am.

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.
Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

My manager said, “Don’t use liquor as a crutch!” I can’t use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk.

I told my doctor, “I’ve swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills” and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

We have a drinking game in Australia, it’s called drinking.

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.

I’m going to take the high road, and just because I’m high.

Thou shalt not covet they neighbors’s house… unless they have a well-stocked bar.

The quality of a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the cork makes when it is popped.

You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Golfing excellence goes hand in hand with alcohol, as many an Open and Amateur champion has shown.

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge; others just gargle.

An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.

You might be a redneck if… you've ever been too drunk to fish.

Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk; that will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the D.T.'s begin.

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.