Alcohol | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol (Page 7)

If Dracula bit Dean [Martin] in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

Red Buttons

(1919 – 2006) American comedian & actor

God created alcohol just to stop the Irish from ruling the world.

Patrick Murray

(1956 – ) English actor

Alcohol Food/Drink People Ireland

As soon as they get married, they all get these big old guts on them; that's not from drinking beer – that's from swallowing pride.

Louis Katz

stand-up comedian

Alcohol Body Fat Husbands Marriage Men People

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising… it was the only exercise I got.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Activities Alcohol Exercise Food/Drink Health

Follow seven beers with a couple of Scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it's funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own.

Harry Secombe

(1921 – 2001) Welsh comedian & singer

Activities Alcohol Drugs Sleep Marijuana

There is no difference between someone who eats too little and sees Heaven and someone who drinks too much and sees snakes.

Bertrand Russell

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic

Alcohol Food/Drink

The last mosquito that bit me had to book in to the Betty Ford clinic.

Joanna Lumley

(1946 – ) English actress, model & author

Alcohol Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes As Patsy in “Absolutely Fabulous”

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.
Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Death Food/Drink Whiskey

It was an arranged marriage, put together by drugs and alcohol.

Tom Papa

American comedian & television host

Alcohol Drugs Marriage

Someone asked, “Mr. Fields, I read in the paper where you consumed two quarts of liquor a day. What would your father think about that?

Fields’ reply: He'd think I was a sissy.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Reputation Water

The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.

Johnny Carson

(1925 – 2005) television host

Alcohol Baseball Food/Drink Sports Champagne On the California Angels’ advantage of never having won the World Series

Patsy: What will you drink if you stop drinking?
Edina: I shall drink water.
Patsy: [Blank look]
Edina: It’s a mixer, Patsy, we have it with whisky.

Jennifer Saunders

(1958 – ) English comedian, screenwriter & actress

Alcohol Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes As Edina (Eddie) in “Absolutely Fabulous” Water

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive; it makes it so you could care less that they’re ugly.

Doug Stanhope

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

Alcohol Appearance Food/Drink

I got so drunk one night I woke up in a chalk outline.

Tim Northern

American comedian

Alcohol Food/Drink Drunk

Abstainer: The kind of man you wouldn’t want to drink with even if he did.

George Jean Nathan

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor

Alcohol Food/Drink People

One drink is just right; two is too many; three are too few.

Spanish proverb

Alcohol Food/Drink Proverbs

Alcohol is ok in modification.

Anonymous

Alcohol Food/Drink Malaprops Moderation

We are in such a slump that even the ones that aren’t drinkin’ aren’t hittin’.

Casey Stengel

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

Alcohol Baseball Food/Drink Sports

The last time I drank, I drove into a ditch, which doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but I stopped at the ditch, looked left and right, then drove into the ditch.

Jimmy Pardo

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

Alcohol Autos Driving Situations Ditch

There’s many a slip twixt the cup and the lip.

Proverb

Alcohol Food/Drink Proverbs

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Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol (Page 7)

If Dracula bit Dean [Martin] in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

God created alcohol just to stop the Irish from ruling the world.

As soon as they get married, they all get these big old guts on them; that's not from drinking beer – that's from swallowing pride.

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising… it was the only exercise I got.

Follow seven beers with a couple of Scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it's funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own.

There is no difference between someone who eats too little and sees Heaven and someone who drinks too much and sees snakes.

The last mosquito that bit me had to book in to the Betty Ford clinic.

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.
Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

It was an arranged marriage, put together by drugs and alcohol.

Someone asked, “Mr. Fields, I read in the paper where you consumed two quarts of liquor a day. What would your father think about that?

Fields’ reply: He'd think I was a sissy.

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.

Patsy: What will you drink if you stop drinking?
Edina: I shall drink water.
Patsy: [Blank look]
Edina: It’s a mixer, Patsy, we have it with whisky.

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive; it makes it so you could care less that they’re ugly.

I got so drunk one night I woke up in a chalk outline.

Abstainer: The kind of man you wouldn’t want to drink with even if he did.

One drink is just right; two is too many; three are too few.

Alcohol is ok in modification.

We are in such a slump that even the ones that aren’t drinkin’ aren’t hittin’.

The last time I drank, I drove into a ditch, which doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but I stopped at the ditch, looked left and right, then drove into the ditch.

There’s many a slip twixt the cup and the lip.