Subject: Food/Drink (Page 16)

Golfing excellence goes hand in hand with alcohol, as many an Open and Amateur champion has shown.

British golf writer & commentator
Alcohol Food/Drink Golf Sports

I’m not going to say my wife can’t cook, but should toast have bones?

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer
Alcohol Food/Drink

I had a piece of Carefree Sugarless gum and I was still worried; it never kicked in.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics Food/Drink

Nowadays, an after-dinner mint is what you need to pay the restaurant check.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Food/Drink Money

I Wish Daddy Didn’t Drink So Much

Alcohol Book Titles

I took this girl to dinner, and I heard that women like it when you order for them, so I was like, 'I'll have the special, and she's not getting anything tonight.'

(1981 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Food/Drink People Situations Women

Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much… then again, don’t drink too little.

Age Alcohol Murphy’s Laws Old

I like candy canes; they’re my favorite candy… but I only like the white part.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink

The English never smash in a face; they merely refrain from asking it to dinner.

(1910 – 1997) American writer
England Food/Drink Insults Places

A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Things

The commercial for Diet Dr. Pepper says it tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper; well, then they screwed up!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Death Food/Drink Time

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol… it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.

(1946 – 2005) Irish professional football player
Alcohol People Women

I use a smoke alarm as a timer.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Cooking Food/Drink

How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Appearance Body Eating Food/Drink People

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Food/Drink Health Life

There’s many a slip twixt the cup and the lip.

Alcohol Food/Drink Proverbs

The food on the plane was fit for a king… “Here, King!”

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Food/Drink

Abdomen: A bowl-shaped cavity containing the organs of indigestion.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Appearance Body Eating

The item you had your eye on the minute you walked in will be taken by the person in front of you.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws