Subject: Food/Drink (Page 26)

I’m not going to say my wife can’t cook, but should toast have bones?

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink

My little brother had not eaten voluntarily in over three years.

(1971 – ) American actor, director & producer
Eating TV/Movie Quotes

How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?

Food/Drink Situations

Beer math is 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.

Beer Science/Weather

They say Flintstone's vitamins are chewable; all vitamins are chewable, it's just that they taste shitty.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics Food/Drink

I think they should put the wrapper of a straw on the inside because that is the part you don't want to get dirty.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Things

Rebecca: You guys, I have my new wedding dress. And now all I need is something old, something borrowed, and something blue.

Carla: How ‘bout Norm’s liver?

(1948 – ) American actress
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes

How’s a beer sound, Norm?

I dunno, I usually finish them before they get a word in.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

Acute Alcoholic: An attractive drunk.

Alcohol Definitions

I come from family where gravy is considered a beverage.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Family Food/Drink Relationships

Little Bobby’s Drunk Again

Alcohol Book Titles

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

(1952 – ) American writer & comedian
Animals Eating Food/Drink

I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink

Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.

Food/Drink Life Murphy’s Laws Time

Watermelon it’s a good fruit; you eat, you drink, you wash your face.

(1873 – 1921) Italian operatic tenor
Food/Drink

The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the dish.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

If you think eggplant is good, you should try any other food; it’s much better.

(1983 – ) Israeli-American comedian, actor, writer & television host
Eating Food/Drink

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Things

Spilt Milk: Udder waste.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Animals Food/Drink

Friend: That drink is slow poison.

Benchley’s reply: So who’s in a hurry?

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink