Subject: Food/Drink (Page 41)

The other day my wife asked me to take her someplace real expensive to eat, so I took her to the airport.

stand-up comedian
Eating Food/Drink Marriage Wives

I would have become a Hare Krishna but I didn’t want to become a vegetarian… and that is honestly the reason why – because I’m Italian, I love meatballs!

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)
Food/Drink Misspokements

When a banana gets rotten people love to tell you that you can make banana bread out of it; I have never seen anyone actually do it.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Food/Drink

Oysters are supposed to enhance your sexual performance, but they don't work for me…maybe I put them on too soon.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Food/Drink Sex

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

We could not have had a better dinner had there been a Synod of Cooks.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Cooking Eating Food/Drink

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Wordplay

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded; trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Alcohol Food/Drink

Eating a donut is the easiest way to tell the world you don’t give a f**k.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

Why spoil a good meal with a big tip?

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Food/Drink Money

At American weddings, the quality of food is inversely proportional to the social position of the bride and the groom.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Food/Drink

The chance of the bread falling with the butter side down is directly proportional to the value of the carpet.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

She was a good cook, as cooks go; and as cooks go, she went.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Cooking Food/Drink Occupations Work

A woman always has half an onion left over, no matter what the size of the onion, the dish or the woman.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Food/Drink

Never drink anything that’s still on fire.

Alcohol Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Animals Children Eating People

Everything tastes more or less like chicken.

Animals Eating Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Scotland, the country where they fry the food five times to make sure it’s dead.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Places

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

Sam: What’d you like Normie?

Norm: A reason to live. Give me another beer.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

Nowadays, an after-dinner mint is what you need to pay the restaurant check.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Food/Drink Money