Subject: Food/Drink (Page 46)

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

Appearance Body Death Eating Life Proverbs

It’s so annoying ‘cause it’s such a portable, good snack, but if you’re a girl and you want to eat a banana all of a sudden you’re in the position of like, how to I de-dick this delicious treat…?

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Food/Drink Sex

The soup is never hot enough if the waiter can keep his thumb in it.

(1902 – 1987) American actor
Food/Drink

If people weren’t meant to have midnight snacks, then why do they put a light in the refrigerator?

Food/Drink

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny; if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Food/Drink Men People Sex

Alcohol killed my first wife… I got home drunk one night and shot her.

(1948 – ) British stand-up comedian
Alcohol Conflict Death Food/Drink Killing

Do not taste food while you’re cooking… you may lose your nerve to eat it.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Cooking Eating Food/Drink

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.

America Food/Drink Places

Dinah [Shore] formed a foundation to locate missing senior citizens by putting their pictures on prune juice bottles.

(1919 – 2006) American comedian & actor
Age Food/Drink Old People

Three things are bad for you: I can't remember the first two, but doughnuts are the third.

football coach
Food/Drink Football Health Sports

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink

I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook… after dinner, I don't brush my teeth, I count them.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink Marriage Wives

You might be a redneck if… you take a six-pack cooler to church.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Beer People Rednecks

Ed, I see you're out drinking again. What's the occasion?
Byrne: I was sober.

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink

A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine, except that on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk.

Alcohol Food/Drink

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education Food/Drink School

Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Cooking Food/Drink Self

Abdomen: A bowl-shaped cavity containing the organs of indigestion.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Appearance Body Eating

We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.

American comedian
Food/Drink Government

I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Health

Vegetarian: A good salad citizen.

Food/Drink People