Subject: Government (Page 39)

No Taxes… let's just tip the government 15% if they do a good job.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Government Money Taxes

I've been in the Bible every day since I've been the president.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Books Communication President

Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.

Military Murphy’s Laws

Friendly fire — isn't.

Military Murphy’s Laws

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Beliefs Elections/Voting God Government

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

Considering the company I keep in this place, that is hardly surprising.

(1894 – 1978) Australian prime minister
Government People Self

We have the greatest democracy in the world; of course, you don't have to win the election to become president, but don't nitpick this to death, alright?

(1953 – ) American comedian & writer
Democracy Elections/Voting Government President

The best way to get a bad law repealed is to enforce it strictly.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Government Law

If the people of a democracy are allowed to do so, they will vote away the freedoms which are essential to that democracy.

Democracy Elections/Voting Government Murphy’s Laws

There are some remarkable parallels between basketball and politics; Michael Jordan has already mastered the skill most needed for political success: how to stay aloft without visible means of support.

(1925 – 2013) British prime minister & politician
Basketball Government Politics Sports

The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions:
1. When you’re ready for them. 2. When you’re not ready for them.

Military Murphy’s Laws

Justice is open to everyone in the same way as the Ritz Hotel.

(1740 – 1819) American lawyer, jurist & politician
Government Law

Bing (Crosby) doesn't pay income tax; he just calls the government and says, 'How much do you boys need?'

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Money Taxes Wealth

I had the right to remain silent, but I had lost the ability to.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink Law

Nation’s Hungry Attack Meese

Government Headlines

Easiest job you could ever have… whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create "reasonable doubt."

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Law Situations

If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you may have misjudged the situation.

Military Murphy’s Laws

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Government Intelligence Politicians

Critics noted Schwarzenegger’s only previous government experience was serving as chairman of the Council of Physical Fitness, where his only responsibility was doing hundreds of jumping jacks he was doing anyway.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Government

Politicians are the same all over; they promise to build a bridge even when there’s no river.

(1894 – 1971) Soviet premier
Government Politicians