Subject: Government (Page 39)

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

(1915 – 2002) Israeli diplomat & politician
Government History People Time

Asking an incumbent member of Congress to vote for term limits is a bit like asking a chicken to vote for Colonel Sanders.

(1959 – ) U.S. Representative (South Carolina)
Elections/Voting Government Politicians

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality
Appearance Body Fat Government Law

[John] Ashcroft went on to say that our way of life is being threatened by a group of radical religious fanatics who are armed and dangerous; and then he called for prayers in the schools and an end to gun control.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Government Law

Nobody can ever learn our military's secrets — unless, you know, they happen to have the Discovery Channel… then, it's pretty easy, just tune in for a few minutes.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Entertainment Government Military Television

I need money… I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Money Wealth

It’s a sad day when our politicians are comical and I have to take our comedians seriously!

Politics Signs

A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants.

(1877 – 1956) U.S. vice president & politician
Government Politicians

The word ‘politics’ is derived from the word ‘poly,’ meaning ‘many,’ and the word ‘ticks,’ meaning ‘blood sucking parasites.’

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Communication Definitions Government Language Politics

Mr. Speaker, I withdraw; half the cabinet are not asses.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Government

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress but I repeat myself.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Congress Fools Government Insults Intelligence

Astronomers have discovered two giant new solar systems, and with George W. Bush taking over the Presidency, it’s good to know we have options.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Government President

A fool and his money are soon elected.

Elections/Voting Fools Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

No matter what I do, literally nothing bad can happen to me; I’m like a white male U.S. senator.

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Government People Self

What Iran needs now is a more modern leader – a mullah lite.

(1973 – ) Iranian-born British comedian
Government Places Wordplay

People try to live within their income so they can afford to pay taxes to a government that can't live within its income.

businessman
Government Money Taxes

The climate of England has been the world’s most powerful colonizing impulse.

England Government Places Science/Weather

You get fifteen Democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions.

(1940 – ) U.S. senator (Vermont)
Beliefs Opinion Politicians

What IS a ‘moderate Iranian,’ anyway?… someone who takes hostages but doesn't eat them?

(1932 – ) American political satirist & comedian
Government Places Politics

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward.

(1883 – 1946) English economist
Government Intelligence Money Taxes

When there’s a single thief, it's robbery; when there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.

Crime Government Taxes