Subject: Health » Doctors (Page 4)

The kind of doctor I want is one who when he's not examining me is home studying medicine.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Doctors Health

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean “your guess is as good as mine.”

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Doctors Health

An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.

Alcohol Doctors Food/Drink Health

A man walked into the doctor’s; he said, ‘I’ve hurt my arm in several places.' … The doctor said, ‘well don’t go there any more.'

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician
Doctors Health

Groinocologist

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Doctors Health Malaprops

Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, in human beings of whom they know nothing.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Doctors Health

There are more old drunkards than old doctors.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Doctors Health

This is one of the healthiest X-rays I’ve ever seen… but if we compare that with yours…

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Doctors Health

Chiropractor: A doctor who works his fingers to the bone… yours.

Definitions Doctors

If I were a medical man, I should prescribe a holiday to any patient who considered his work important.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Doctors Health Work

I am dying from the treatment of too many physicians.

Alexander III (356 – 323 BC) King of Macedon
Death Doctors Health

I told my doctor, “I’ve swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills” and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Doctors Health

Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.

Doctors Health Murphy’s Laws

Dermatologist: Person who makes rash judgments.

Definitions Doctors Health

Doctors bury their mistakes, but mine are still on scholarship.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Doctors School

The longer I practice medicine the more convinced I am there are only two types of cases: those that involve taking the trousers off and those that don’t.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright
Clothing Doctors Health

Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician
Doctors Government Health Law Lawyers

The doctor demands his fees whether he has killed the illness or the patient.

Doctors Health Proverbs

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to the Folies Bergeres and looks at the audience.

(1913 – 1995) British Anglican Bishop
Doctors Health

I quit because I was in the hospital and I realized that I truly believed that laughter was the best medicine, but it turns out penicillin works a hell of a lot better.

(1971 – ) American comedian, actor, television host & former physician
Doctors Emotions Health Laughter

He is a servant of humanity… who had done really brilliant work in isolating fees.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Doctors Health Insults