Subject: Health » Doctors (Page 4)

Oh, they’ve broken my sacroiliac! Run to the nearest golf course and get a doctor!

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately; ring the nearest golf course.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Doctor: The only man who hasn’t a guaranteed cure for a cold.

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

Specialist: A doctor whose patients are expected to confine their ailments to office hours.

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

(1953 – ) American comedian, writer & actor

I was an ugly kid; when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

She got her good looks from her father, he’s a plastic surgeon.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.

(1920 – 2000) American actor

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places; he told me to quit going to those places.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

Internship: A sleepless ordeal imposed on young M.D.’s for the purpose of weeding out the weak and infirm among them, and eroding the health of the survivors sufficiently to ensure better empathy in the years to come.

The operation was a success, but I’m afraid the doctor is dead.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

My body is dropping so fast, my gynecologist wears a hard hat.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said, “Cough!”

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

I am dying from the treatment of too many physicians.

Alexander III (356 – 323 BC) King of Macedon

Hippocritical oath.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

Half a psychiatrist's patients see him because they are married – the other half because they're not.

(1905 –1998) American author

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease.

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to the Folies Bergeres and looks at the audience.

(1913 – 1995) British Anglican Bishop