Subject: Health (Page 10)

Beware of the physician who is great at getting out of trouble.

Doctors Health Murphy’s Laws

I thought AAA was an organization for people who are really bad alcoholics.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health

… having too much collateral in your blood.

Health Malaprops

I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places; he told me to keep out of those places.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Doctors Health Places Situations

Doctors told me that if my uncle had lived, he most likely would have been a vegetarian.

Health Malaprops

Paradox: Two physicians.

Definitions Doctors Wordplay

My dad is actually a manic depressive, which is very exciting half the time.

(1963 – ) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics Family Fathers Health

I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Health

I'm the boy in the bubble without the bubble.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Health

I told my doctor, “I’ve swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills” and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Doctors Health

Go to the gyropractor and get fixed?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

A hospital is no place to be sick.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Health Places

Some hospitals are so crowded that the only way you can get in is by accident.


Health Wordplay

X-Ray: A diagnostic tool used to detect existing cancerous growths and create new ones for future examinations to reveal.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Health

Doctor: A guy who tells you if you don’t cut out something he’ll cut something out of you.

Definitions Doctors Health

… one says to the other her mum had a cyst on on her aviary.

Health Malaprops

I got a postcard from my gynecologist; It said, “Did you know it’s time for your annual check-up?” … no, but now my mailman does.

American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor
Doctors Health

Hangover: The moaning after the night before.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink Health

A man walked into the doctor’s; the doctor said, ‘I haven’t seen you in a long time.' … The man replied, ‘I know, I’ve been ill.'

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician
Doctors Health

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Definitions Health Places

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors