Subject: Health (Page 10)

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean “your guess is as good as mine.”

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Doctors Health

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Doctors Health

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Definitions Health

1. All the IVs are at the other end of the hall.

2. There are two kinds of adhesive tape: the one that won't stay on and the one that won't come off.

Health Murphy’s Laws

A man walked into the doctor’s; the doctor said, ‘I haven’t seen you in a long time.' … The man replied, ‘I know, I’ve been ill.'

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician
Doctors Health

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright
Health Life

Every time a doctor whispers in the hospital, next day there’s a funeral.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Doctors Health

I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Health

A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.

Health

Probably a torn filament right there in the kneecap.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

Last week I told my psychiatrist, “I keep thinking about suicide,” and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Health Money

Bill Walton is incredible; if you drop a toothpick on his foot, he'll have a stress fracture.

American basketball coach
Basketball Health Sports

The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed is when he's having an asthma attack.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Health Sex

Doctor: A guy who tells you if you don’t cut out something he’ll cut something out of you.

Definitions Doctors Health

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Children Family Health Men Women

Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Health Life

I realized I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

Communication Health Language Reading/Writing

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host
Health Success

It's better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.

Health Money Murphy’s Laws Wealth

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Entertainment Film Health

Take the juice of two quarts of whisky…

(1904 – 1973) American guitarist & bandleader
Alcohol Health