Subject: Health (Page 18)

Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, in human beings of whom they know nothing.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Doctors Health

No physician is really good before he has killed one or two patients.

Doctors Health Proverbs

The longer I practice medicine the more convinced I am there are only two types of cases: those that involve taking the trousers off and those that don’t.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright
Clothing Doctors Health

Nothing trivial, I hope.

(1839 – 1919) Irish writer
Health Insults

Nurses: Patient people.

Definitions Health Occupations

If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts.

(1906 – 1982) baseball player
Health

My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget.

professional football player
Appearance Body Football Health Sports

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club; you’re not out of it until the computer says you’re out of it.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Health

I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately; ring the nearest golf course.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Doctors Golf Health Sports

Liposuction: A surgical procedure from which the patient emerges significantly lighter in both pounds and dollars.

Appearance Body Definitions Health

If your time ain’t come, not even a doctor can kill you.

Death Doctors Health Life Proverbs

1. All the IVs are at the other end of the hall.

2. There are two kinds of adhesive tape: the one that won't stay on and the one that won't come off.

Health Murphy’s Laws

Orthodox: Bone doctors.

Definitions Doctors

I got an email from my ex, telling me that she has AIDS; I didn’t know how to comfort her, so I just wrote back "I know."

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Health

Vaccine: A microbe with his face washed.

Definitions Health

Psychiatrist to patient: You’re suffering from paranoia… anyone’ll tell you.

(1928 – ) English cartoonist
Health

The illness you come down with is the one ailment your company-covered insurance does not cover.

Health Murphy’s Laws

I like to call therapy “baggage claim.”

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
Health

Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Appearance Body Health

Most Doctors Agree Breathing Regularly is Good for You

Doctors Headlines Health

Hypochondria is the one disease I haven’t got.

(1951 – ) English television writer
Health