Subject: Health (Page 21)

My problem, uh, is behind me now.

(1953 – ) American baseball player
Health

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Doctors Health Problems

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord it ain't the gout.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
God Health

The vet says the dog will not lick the salve because the salve tastes bad to the dog… hello?… he's already licking his ass.

(1960 – ) American comedian
Animals Dogs Health

I met the surgeon general and he offered me a cigarette.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Health

I did not fully understand the dread term 'terminal illness' until I saw Heathrow Airport for myself.

(1935 – 1994) English writer
Health Places

You might be a redneck if… you have used a bar stool as a walker.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Health People

I was [having sex] with this girl… and it was pretty wild; I explained to her that I’d not had it in 2 years because I’d been in the VD clinic.. she replied ‘How’s the food? … I’m going in tomorrow!’

(1948 – ) British stand-up comedian
Health Sex

I got a postcard from my gynecologist; It said, “Did you know it’s time for your annual check-up?” … no, but now my mailman does.

American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor
Doctors Health

At first, you fear you will die; then, after it has a good hold on you, you fear you won’t die.

(1876 – 1916) American author, journalist & social activist
Health

Hypochondriac: Someone who enjoys bad health.

Definitions Health

Hospitals Resort To Hiring Doctors

Doctors Headlines

At home now, I have cough medicine on tap.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

Serkin was so sick he almost died for three days.

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist
Death Health Misspokements

How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

Book Titles Health

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Children Clothing Family Health

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving you don’t actually live longer; it just seems longer.

(1924 – 2009) English broadcaster, writer, politician & chef
Activities Age Health Time

Vagina?… that sounds like something you call in sick with.

American comedian & television host
Communication Health Language

This weekend I pulled a muscle in my cheeks trying to smile.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

You know what they call alternative medicine that's been proved to work… medicine.

(1975 – ) Australian comedian, actor, writer, musician & director
Health

Nothing trivial, I hope.

(1839 – 1919) Irish writer
Health Insults