Subject: Health (Page 22)

At home now, I have cough medicine on tap.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

What this world needs is a damned good plague.

Health Murphy’s Laws Places World

Doctor: A man who suffers from good health.

Definitions Doctors

I told him he’d have a heart attack a year ago, but unfortunately he lived a year longer.

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist
Health Misspokements

Hypochondriac: Someone who enjoys bad health.

Definitions Health

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

That guy ain’t been the same since he had that vasexomy.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Health Wives

I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others; he gave me one with four cavities.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Health

My wife has to be the worst cook; her specialty is indigestion.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink Health Wives

Vagina?… that sounds like something you call in sick with.

American comedian & television host
Communication Health Language

He was in cardial arrest.

Health Malaprops

When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Doctors Health Mistakes

“Herbal medicine’s been around for thousands of years!” … and then we tested it all, and the stuff that worked became ‘medicine’… and the rest of it is just a nice bowl of soup and some potpourri.

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Health

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Health Money Places

Three things are bad for you: I can't remember the first two, but doughnuts are the third.

football coach
Food/Drink Football Health Sports

If she gets a hot flash and walks into a cold room, she can make it rain.

American actor & comedian
Health People Women

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

(1875 – 1961) Swiss psychiatrist & founder of analytical psychology
Health

[Chickenpox] is the only disease that says,‘You know what, we did our thing once and now I’m out of here forever, peace.’

(1983 – ) American comedian & actor
Health

I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately; ring the nearest golf course.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Doctors Golf Health Sports

I have the woman-flu, which is like the manflu but worse because I also regularly have periods and I get paid less.

Danish comedian
Health Men People Women