Subject: Health (Page 24)

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first; by the second day you're off it.

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor
Food/Drink Health

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Doctors Health Situations

I think we should change the name of Type 1 Diabetes and Type 2 Diabetes to ‘Not Your Fault Diabetes’ and ‘Mostly Your Fault Diabetes.’

American comedian
Health

Doctor, feel my purse.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Doctors Health

Have you ever noticed nobody has ever ordered a grapefruit the size of a tumor? … ever… there’s no reciprocity.


Health Things

I used to believe that chiropractors where charlatans, but then I went to one, and now I stand corrected.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Doctors Health

The biggest difference between the psychiatrist and the patient is that the psychiatrist has learned how to live with it.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Doctors Health Life People

The closest thing I have to a nutritionist is the Carlsberg Beer Company.

(1976 – ) Irish actor
Beer Eating Food/Drink Health

There would never be any public agreement among doctors if they did not agree to agree on the main point of the doctor being always on the right.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Doctors Health Occupations Work

Could I get gangroon out of that?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Health Money Places

Hippocritical oath.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Doctors Health Malaprops

I don't need you to remind me of my age; I have a bladder to do that for me.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director
Age Health Old

… having too much collateral in your blood.

Health Malaprops

Paradox: Two physicians.

Definitions Doctors Wordplay

I have the woman-flu, which is like the manflu but worse because I also regularly have periods and I get paid less.

Danish comedian
Health Men People Women

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games Health

Health is the thing that makes you feel that now is the best time of the year.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist
Health Time

Doctors told me that if my uncle had lived, he most likely would have been a vegetarian.

Health Malaprops

My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor’s office and make people sick.

(1894 – 1975) American comedian
Appearance Health Husbands Marriage Ugly

The illness you come down with is the one ailment your company-covered insurance does not cover.

Health Murphy’s Laws