Subject: Health (Page 7)

The less we know about a disease, the more medicines are available to treat it.

Health Murphy’s Laws

I like to call therapy “baggage claim.”

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
Health

There are only two sorts of doctors: those who practice with their brains, and those who practice with their tongues.

(1849 – 1919) Canadian physician
Doctors Health

Healthy is just a precancerous condition.

(1954 – ) American stand-up comedian
Health

In the face of such overwhelming statistical possibilities, hypochondria has always seemed to me to be the only rational position to take on life.

(1953 – 2001) British journalist & broadcaster
Health

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.

(1930 – ) actor, writer, film & television director
Characteristics Health

If you have one of these symptoms, please call this 800 number – Death, Heartburn, …

Classifieds Health

Somebody once said that laughter is the best medicine, and that was clearly written by a man that never tried Vicodin.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author
Activities Drugs Emotions Health Laughter

All the years this guy did drugs, no one could have slipped him some calcium?

comedian
Activities Drugs Health

My doctor is wonderful; once, when I couldn’t afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays.

(1918 – 2007) American entertainer, actor & television host
Doctors Health Money

I got a cousin who's a psychotic with low self-esteem; he only wants to assassinate the vice president.

television writer, producer & director
Characteristics Conflict Health Killing

I went to the doctor and he said, ‘You've got hypochondria.' ‘I said, ‘Not that as well.’

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Health

We drink to one another’s health, and spoil our own.

(1859 – 1927) English writer
Food/Drink Health

Four hundred bucks an hour for being sort of nice to sad people.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor
Doctors Health Money Occupations

Columnist Gets Urologist In Trouble With His Peers

Doctors Headlines

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot; finish last in medical school and they call you doctor.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Doctors Health Occupations Sports Work

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Food/Drink Health Life

At first, you fear you will die; then, after it has a good hold on you, you fear you won’t die.

(1876 – 1916) American author, journalist & social activist
Health

Probably a torn filament right there in the kneecap.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o’clock in the morning.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Food/Drink Health

I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Books Communication Health Reading/Writing